Saturday, August 17, 2013

Sometimes, don’t you just want to disappear?

This is a late blog post. We didn't have internet until a few days ago. Written on the 30th of July.
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Yesterday evening, 29th of July, when my mom and dad arrived, they started fighting about a fcking television remote control. We couldn't find it but seriously? It’s JUST a remote controller. They started shouting at each other, and at me, too. My dad also woke up my younger sibling because he was the one who hid it.
As growing up, I never really heard my parents fight, and never did they shout at us like that. I never thought that this kind of thing was going to happen to our family. I wasn't used to being shouted at, and loud sounds irritate me.
I felt like my world was falling apart last night, I still do, at this hour, to be honest. I started crying, I cried for more than an hour or two. I couldn't stop. I was cursing, though I should not be doing so, and crying and I was wishing for me to be dead. I feel like this family would be happier without me, I always do. I have a lot of plans for their lives and mine, but I hate this, I’d rather be dead and feel nothing than cry every night feeling sorry for myself and having no one to tell these things to.
I love my family so much even if I’m not that close to them. They’re pretty much all I have for the rest of my life. I wish we could go back to being a happy family. I wish that happiness will overcome the sadness in this family. I hope we would start going to church together again. I just want to be back.
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Today, 30th of July, I went to school, a bit late, to be honest. Mehehe~ I laughed at everything there was to laugh about. People around me were actually telling me to stop because I laughed too much. I just told them that I am problematic and I just want to laugh to hide what I was feeling. I wanted to talk about what happened yesterday, I wanted someone to listen to me, and comfort me if ever I cried, but I couldn't really. They know me as someone who is always happy and such. I always smile. I told what happened last night to a friend, though I wanted to detail it more, it’s too embarrassing. We’re not so close to tell my own problems and such. Ah~ But I really did laugh a lot. He-he~ It was fun, the pain was put away for a while, but now that there’s no internet here as I am typing this, It’s getting lonelier and lonelier. It’s getting hard for me to breathe as well. Someone save me. :( 

Thursday, August 15, 2013

A letter to my ex-crush.

Dear ex-crush, 

How have you been? Loljk. I don't really care. I don't even remember how we used to talk, how we used to chat, how we used to laugh together. Good bye~ I've said so much to you already. But, thank you. Thank you for always being there for me, for being a friend. Thank you ^^

-Besh

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

When your internet friends are actually better than your personal friends.

Wow, I'm actually crying right now. My nee-chan is really kind. Tears of joy can't stop coming out of my eyes. hehe~ ; __ ; I'll be reading BL like right now. Just kidding. Gonna read something that will make me cry more because of jealousy: KIMI NI TODOKE. Hahahaha. Good Night ^^

A letter to a stranger.

Dear someone I do not know,

Was that harsh? lol sorry. Anyway, Good Day to you Ms./Mr. How are you? I hope you are doing well. I hope we meet soon. I hope to have lots of good conversations with you. Please do not do bad things to me. I wish you would be someone who will always be kind to everyone, well not everyone, but at least to most of the people here in this world. Have a great day~

-Besh