A very important day - forgotten

Last September 20th was the day we were going to perform our cheer dance which we have been practicing for more than 3 weeks. I showed up at the meeting place a few minutes after eight. Most arrived at nine in the morning. We started practicing after a while. We cut classes from Math to Chemistry to Math just so that we could improve the cheer dance, even at the last minute. So wecontinued practicing. I only have eaten bread since morning and I get upset and frustrated when I get hungry so I have been in a bad mood since we stopped practicing and went to school already. No one wanted to go with me and eat so that made me a lot more upset.We arrived at school at around 1:30 pm and prepared for everything we needed. We waited until past three for the start of the competition. We were third from the four sections to perform what we made. Everything finished at around 3:30pm and we were dismissed from 'class'. I was very tired from all the practice we had for more than 3 weeks. I thanked God because everything's over now. I headed home and arrived at past five I guess. Since we didn't have internet that time, I kind of just made myself more upset by connecting to the neighbor's very slow wifi connection. I slept after a few hours. Ah~ The practices are over. I wouldn't have to wake up early and skip meals and such. That day ended badly.
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Two days after that, still frustrated by not having internet at home, I suddenly remembered that it was Hyoyeon's birthday. I was like, 'it's already 22?!' and then wow, the depression I got for not remembering my favorite's seiyuu's birthday was so great that I didn't want to like Kpop anymore. YES, I FORGOT MY FAVORITE JPOP SINGER AND SEIYUU'S BIRTHDAY. IT WAS ON THE 20th OF SEPTEMBER AND I JUST HAD TO FORGET BECAUSE OF NO FOOD AND NO INTERNET. I hate it. I hate it so much.

Sometimes, don’t you just want to disappear?

This is a late blog post. We didn't have internet until a few days ago. Written on the 30th of July.
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Yesterday evening, 29^th of July, when my mom and dad arrived, they started fighting about a fcking television remote control. We couldn't find it but seriously? It’s JUST a remote controller. They started shouting at each other, and at me, too. My dad also woke up my younger sibling because he was the one who hid it.

As growing up, I never really heard my parents fight, and never did they shout at us like that. I never thought that this kind of thing was going to happen to our family. I wasn't used to being shouted at, and loud sounds irritate me.

I felt like my world was falling apart last night, I still do, at this hour, to be honest. I started crying, I cried for more than an hour or two. I couldn't stop. I was cursing, though I should not be doing so, and crying and I was wishing for me to be dead. I feel like this family would be happier without me, I always do. I have a lot of plans for their lives and mine, but I hate this, I’d rather be dead and feel nothing than cry every night feeling sorry for myself and having no one to tell these things to.

I love my family so much even if I’m not that close to them. They’re pretty much all I have for the rest of my life. I wish we could go back to being a happy family. I wish that happiness will overcome the sadness in this family. I hope we would start going to church together again. I just want to be back.

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Today, 30^th of July, I went to school, a bit late, to be honest. Mehehe~ I laughed at everything there was to laugh about. People around me were actually telling me to stop because I laughed too much. I just told them that I am problematic and I just want to laugh to hide what I was feeling. I wanted to talk about what happened yesterday, I wanted someone to listen to me, and comfort me if ever I cried, but I couldn't really. They know me as someone who is always happy and such. I always smile. I told what happened last night to a friend, though I wanted to detail it more, it’s too embarrassing. We’re not so close to tell my own problems and such. Ah~ But I really did laugh a lot. He-he~ It was fun, the pain was put away for a while, but now that there’s no internet here as I am typing this, It’s getting lonelier and lonelier. It’s getting hard for me to breathe as well. Someone save me. :( 

A letter to my ex-crush.

Dear ex-crush, 

How have you been? Loljk. I don't really care. I don't even remember how we used to talk, how we used to chat, how we used to laugh together. Good bye~ I've said so much to you already. But, thank you. Thank you for always being there for me, for being a friend. Thank you ^^

-Besh

When your internet friends are actually better than your personal friends.

Wow, I'm actually crying right now. My nee-chan is really kind. Tears of joy can't stop coming out of my eyes. hehe~ ; __ ; I'll be reading BL like right now. Just kidding. Gonna read something that will make me cry more because of jealousy: KIMI NI TODOKE. Hahahaha. Good Night ^^

A letter to a stranger.

Dear someone I do not know,

Was that harsh? lol sorry. Anyway, Good Day to you Ms./Mr. How are you? I hope you are doing well. I hope we meet soon. I hope to have lots of good conversations with you. Please do not do bad things to me. I wish you would be someone who will always be kind to everyone, well not everyone, but at least to most of the people here in this world. Have a great day~

-Besh